The Top Ten worst boy band videos…as decided by me

13 Jul 2010 1 Comment

by elbee4 in Hilarity, Idiots Among Us, Tunes

Click on the song title to see the video.

10. “The Hardest Thing” by 98 Degrees

Ah yes, the age-old tale of the boxer and the showgirl. Point deductions for: the abundance of crouch/sit singing; the dance move of tears being shed (I think we got it when you said “when you start to cry”). Points added for: the many  shots featuring a shirtless Nick Lachey; the mention of Dr. Zhivago; the video’s abrupt end.  And what does “I made a my my” even mean? Anyone?

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9. “When The Lights Go Out” by Five

“Hey, so I work at this bowling alley, and me and four of my guy friends are going to do a little dance on the lanes after closing and then lip sync over by the lockers. You should totally stay…then when it’s all dark and creepy, we’ll turn the lights back on and it will be a bomb-ass party! No, really, I swear.”

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8. “I Drive Myself Crazy” by *NSYNC

They had to know it was only going to go downhill when they let Chris Kirkpatrick sing lead on the first verse.  Padded walls…Justin’s horrible bleach job…Lance awkwardly snuggling with a girl… all the crazy-eyes…UGH. JC is looking pretty good though, I will say.

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7. “Liquid Dreams” by O-Town

First of all, the title – that’s just gross. Second, are they dancing on the tops of tin cans? Third, nice try with the Terminator-esque liquid people but it just looks weird.

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6. “Cool It Now” by New Edition

It’s hard to fault these guys as it was 1984, after all. The hairdos (you hear me Ralph?!), the clothing (Ricky!), the dance moves (Bobby!)…seeing Bell Biv Devoe blossoming before our eyes (check out the Michael Bivens/Ronnie DeVoe rap around minute 1:42), roll call at 2:51…it’s all just too fantastic to even comment on. One thing I know for sure – best boy band EVER.

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5. “Quit Playing Games With My Heart” by the Backstreet Boys

It’s all fun and games until someone catches a cold from standing shirtless in the rain.

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4. “I’ll Make Love To You” by Boyz II Men

And the award for best wardrobe styling in a music video goes to…Boyz II Men! Also, the award for best plagiarism in a music video goes to…the dude in this video!

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3. “When You Look Me In The Eyes” by the Jonas Brothers

Let’s be realistic here – JONAS: L.A. is being recorded on my DVR in the other room. The only reason they are on this list is for the hair – hideous in this video.

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2. “Tearin’ Up My Heart” by *NSYNC

Just some friends passing time at a photo shoot.  You know, playing b-ball, eating pizza, pumping iron, hanging from the rafters, doing toe-touches, lying in a pool of photos – the usual.

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1. “Dirty Dawg” by NKOTB

Oh the poor guys of New Kids On The Block. You’re getting older and you just want some respect. So the natural next step is to shorten your name to NKOTB and try to come off hard in your next video. Unfortunately, only Donnie is somewhat believable (and even that’s a stretch) and the rest of you look like a bunch of David Silver wannabes. A few things to look for in this video: 1. Joe’s HUGE goggles 2. Donnie’s cane (just unnecessary unless he had some legitimate injury) 3. The lyric “why you wanna come off like a tramp, a wet food stamp?” 4. Jon Knight’s sheer horror at being involved in this video.